Revising for Purpose

Frank H. Loucks
Instructor: Christy Vance
English 102-013
November 18, 2009
Revising for Purpose
In the first paragraph, she gave a good example about how rough drafts are very similar to relationships. It’s like saying “love is blind.” Rough drafts can take a long time to build, just like relationships. When things are not going so good, you have to step back to give it some time. Maybe you have reached a dead end, and lost sight of your goal, and need some time to refocus.
Why would you throw something away after spending so much time on something you love? Revision doesn’t mean starting all over, it means making it stronger from what you already have. You the writer have to take control. It can not control you. After all, you are the creator and a creator can create any thing he/she wants. Just like an artist applying paint on a canvas. Each writer has their own style and every artist has their own technique.
Before I read this article, I thought a revision is making corrections on punctuations and grammar. There’s a lot more to it. Little did I know?
Ballenger talked about different strategies on how to go about on making revisions on your paper. I like the “Cut-and-Paste” method. Being a spatial type person, this method would work for me. I think. I have never done this before, but seem like a logical way. Also, I like the “Listening to the Voice” method. I when go back to something that I have written in the past and reread it out loud, it sounds a lot different. A lot different than what you have intended to write. The content is a lot different.

Why Colleges Are Spending Money Wrong.

William Dunson
Christy Vance
English 102
November 12, 2009
Why College Coaches need to be Paid Less.
In the today’s world of high unemployment and massive budget cuts around the country would you think anyone profession was seeing exponential growth in pay increases? When Florida budget is supposed to be cutting 365 million dollars of the education budget, as reported by the Miami Herald earlier this year, then why did they increase the University of Florida’s head coach earnings from $3.4 million to $6 million a year. He is a employee just like everyone else that works for the state of Florida. No other state employee is receiving a raise of nearly double their salary every year. There needs to be a stop to the ridiculously sized contracts that state schools are still giving out to coaches in the middle of the economic crisis we are in. All this public universities are reporting budget cuts and job losses, but continue to pay their football coaches multi-million dollar contracts. In a USA Today article, written by multiple people, states that at the University of California-Berkeley head football coach makes $2.8 million dollars this year making him one of 25 coaches who make more than $2 million a year raising the average pay of the top 120 of top level college programs up 46% in just three years. The university is also planning a $430 million dollar project to upgrade an 80 year old football stadium on campus. All this money is being spent while at the same time the university is losing $150 million in state funds, laying off faculty, imposing furloughs, cutting enrollment, paring courses, and raising tuition. This is the most unjust thing I could ever imagine. You are spending money you don’t have on a football program, while your university is in an economic crisis. People are losing jobs but you are spending almost a half billion dollars on a football stadium. This is unjust as much as that word could mean. Universities are supposed to be about students first and not about one team that plays on Saturdays. This needs to be stopped and someone in Congress needs to do something about it.
I’m not the only one who is concerned with how much these coaches get paid. In a different article in the USA Today article written by Jodi Upton and Steve Wieberg Representative Bill Thomas from California who is the Chairman of the House of Ways and Means Committee sent a letter to Myles Brand the President of the NCAA saying “excessive compensation ... makes less revenue available for other sports, causes many athletic departments to operate at a net loss, and may call into question the priorities of educational institutions.” He is pretty much saying they need to spend their money more wisely and fairly around the university. Brand responded back saying the NCAA can’t set individual limits at schools on how much they can pay a coach without violating anti-trust laws. I say congress should step in and make limits and regulations on how much state schools can spend and take it out of the hands of the NCAA.

Op-Ed: Are Boise Bicycle Riders Wearing Helmets?

Frank H. Loucks
Instructor: Christy Vance
English 102-013
November 12, 2009
Op-Ed: Are Boise Bicycle Riders Wearing Helmets?
Has the insistence of wearing a bicycle helmet taken the fun out of riding bikes that we all hold dear in childhood memories. My bike, when I was a young boy, was my way to adventure and exploring. When the neighbor kids would come screaming by on their sting rays with banana seats, cards carefully fastened with clothes pins, I could run out the front door, jump on my bike and be riding in the pack in no time. Now what if I had to go find my helmet? This mere requirement could have been devastating to a shy boy who just wanted to fit in with the other neighborhood boys.
Joan Gluckman, New York Times, Nov 12, 2009, wonders if it has occurred to anyone that the declining use of bicycles correlates with the increasing insistence on the use of bicycle helmets? Could we go so far to saw that required helmet laws may be the root of our society obesity problems? Has the social pressure of wearing a helmet been the cause of increasing larger and immobile society?
Even if there is not a helmet law it has become politically incorrect to go down the block without one. Dirty looks and whispers follow the parent who is riding down the greenbelt with their non-helmeted child. Community organized bicycle rides and fund raisers prohibit un-helmeted rides from participating. The Hiawatha Bike Trail in northern Idaho will not allow riders without helmets to ride this state-maintained bike trail. We are shamed to the point we choose to not ride at all if we prefer to not wear a helmet.
What happened to personal choice? Are we creating a society that is so “safe” that children no longer have opportunities to learn from challenges and risk. We learned to jump safely from our bikes when they were going down. We learned how to hang on tight if that was our best option. We learned how to ride and control our bikes, not let the bike control us.
In 1990-92 Australia introduced compulsory helmet laws for cyclists, resulting in 30 per cent fewer people cycling. An article in the Health Journal of Australia, “Bicycle helmets and public health in Australia” by Bill Curnow, concluded: “Compulsion to wear a bicycle helmet is detrimental to public health in Australia.”
Are we taking the pleasure out of bicycling riding? The declines in bicycle related accidents correlates to the decline in children riding bicycles. Have we discouraged this childhood freedom because of society’s compulsion to make life risk-free?
Ed Goldberg, New York Times, May 20, 1999, makes a similar point with playgrounds. All playgrounds from the 60’s are being removed, the maypole, the metal slippery slides, the teter-todders, monkey bars, merry-go-rounds: gone all gone. Goldberg states “when our children grow up, having played in the safest playground money can buy, they will be more safety-conscious than we are. And we will shake our heads when they pass laws enforcing use of pedestrian helmets.” Now that would be something, pedestrian helmets.

Op-ed

Athletic departments are one very important part of every college in the country. Some critics argue that Coaches and sports administrators denigrate academics and overemphasize the importance of sports. Others claim that athletes in the big-revenue sports of men’s basketball and football are exploited by the university. Others feel that intercollegiate athletics create a culture on college campuses that downplays the importance of gaining knowledge. People also feel that it is not important to put money toward athletics. The point of intercollegiate athletes is to get students to excel in their sport as well as to excel in academics. Not everyone can see the effort and all the good things the sports teams and athletic department in general bring to a school.

One of the benefits of athletics to any institution is that it gives them national exposure. A team that wins any big competition gets publicity not only for them but for the whole school as well. This is a good example with Boise State. It is a school that is beginning to be more popular and well known around the nation each day. BSU has a top ranked football team and has the only blue turf. President of Boise State Bob Kustra says “Of course, we have the world's only NCAA Division I blue football field as Bronco Stadium has been named one of the top 10 sports spots in America by ESPN” (Kustra). Games that are broadcasted in ESPN give the team and the school a lot of exposure. He also said “the university would go broke if it tried to create a marketing department as effective as its football team. There is no need to invest in a marketing campaign for Boise State because our football team automatically does that in an excellent and efficient way” (Collias). College presidents perceive athletic success provides substantial benefits to the institution, such as generating higher levels of fundraising, attracting better qualified students, enhancing school spirit and raising the profile of the institution.

Student Athletes are required to complete their school work and do well in academics. It might seem like all their effort is put into their respective sport but it’s not. Student comes before athlete. There has been modifications in NCAA in order to make sure students excel. . Now, universities and college coaches will be held accountable for their players' academic progress, or lack thereof. The centerpiece of the academic reform package is called the Academic Progress Rate or APR. Erik Christianson, director of media relations for the NCAA, said, "The vast majority, almost all of our 360,000 student athletes in the NCAA are going to become professionals in fields other than sports. And so it's vitally important for them to do well in the classroom, stay on track and earn that degree." (Han). If they fail to achieve this, there are penalties such ass loss of scholarships and loss of eligibility.

People may disagree on the importance of athletic programs in schools and argue that academics are much more important but that can be seen from different points of views. Athletics are just as important and they provide a lot of opportunities not only for student athletes but for everyone.

Frank Loucks
Instructor: Christy Vance
English 102-013
October 31, 2009
They Say, I Say

To build a strong, interesting, and compelling essay, you must quickly let the reader know the point of your writing. In “ They Say, I Say”, the author describes his experience of listening to a lecture where the professor went on in length defending the work of a scholar but he never mentioned why he was defending the work until at the end when someone asked. This left some of the audience feeling confused or unclear of his point. The author’s point of describing this experience was to clearly illustrate that in order to write a good essay or present an effective argument you must be clear on what your thesis (or point) is and what it is responding to. You need to make your point early, clearly, and also make clear what you are responding to when writing an essay, or when participating in a verbal discussion.
It is suggested you begin your argument by stating what others are saying then building your point from there. You can use “templates” suggested in “They Say, I Say”. Starting with what someone else’s view, or using an illustrative quote, or even revealing a relevant statistic, or anecdote. You need to start with a clear message that you will build on by disagreeing, agreeing, or a little of both.
Reading “They Say, I Say” has provided me with some very useful suggestions and tools that I can use in my writing assignments in college and in everyday conversations. I’ll be more aware of how I’m organizing my thoughts and the sentences I communicate. I’ll be able to open my mind more and listen more carefully to others opinions and concerns so I can better understand what others are saying. This will be the first step in developing my own thoughts and conversations. I can think of past experiences where I disagreed with opinions or decisions others had made that had left me feeling somewhat defensive. But, if in this type of situation again I would clearly state what others are saying and find references or other facts to express an opposing opinion which may better reflect how I believe. This would construct a more effective argument with better results.

Politics Response

William Dunson
Christy Vance
English 102
October 28, 2009
George Orwell
Orwell talks about how the English language has transformed into some language that has lost all its meaning and substance. He shows how all the metaphors people use are just fillers for people who can’t get their point across and are trying to distract you. Politicians are the most at fault of this. They use these fillers to spread a message that has no real meaning so it really can’t offend anybody. I believe Orwell is trying to convey is that we need stop writing words that try to look smarter but instead just use the language that explains what you mean and doesn’t confuse people. That all the fluff in the paper isn’t help you get your point across, but instead makes it harder to understand.
I believe this essay is trying to show us that when we write our papers we don’t need to fill it with fluff and fancy words that make us look smarter. We need to just use vocabulary that gets our point across to the reader and that in its self will make your paper better. You don’t need to use a fancy synonym when an everyday English word will do just fine. I can relate to that because sometimes I do catch myself trying to find a better word to describe something when all along an average world will do just fine. You don’t need to use a metaphor for everything you’re trying to say. Using metaphors too much will make your paper vague and confuse the reader when they are trying to figure out what your paper is all about. So in general he is trying to make people realize you don’t need all the fluff and fancy language to sound like a genius, but a well written and simple to understand paper will do just the trick.

Frank H. Loucks
Instructor: Christy Vance
English: 102-013
October 28, 2009
Politics and the English Language
George Orwell makes the case in “Politics and the English Language” that American politicians have become lazy and ineffective due to the changes that have evolved in the English language used in politics. He makes the correlation that to write unclearly or foolishly makes it easier to have foolish thoughts.
Orwell gives examples of how politicians use and reuse metaphors that are worn out and have lost there meaning instead of using clear, accurate English. These overused metaphors are “stale” and “lack precision”. The writer uses these because he either is too lazy to really think about what he wants to say, or else he simply cannot express himself. Metaphors should be new and evoke a visual image for the reader. Orwell states worn-out metaphors have lost all power and are merely used because they save people from having to invent a new phrase for themselves.
He also makes the case that political speeches are full of “extra” words and “syllables. For example, I hear frequently “this is an opportunity for improvement” instead of being a single word such as this is a “problem” or “concern”.
I have fallen into this trap of trying to use familiar or “overused” metaphors or finding a “bigger” word to express a thought thinking it will make me look smarter. But as Orwell states, a good writer will ask themselves what are they trying to say, what words will express it, and what metaphor or image will make it clearer and more effective? These are good suggestions for me to follow in my own writing.
Orwell concludes his essay by listing six rules to help you write clearly and refreshingly:
1) Never use a common metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech. (2) Do not use a long word when a short one will do. (3) Always cut out excess words. (4) Use the active voice when possible. (5) Never use a foreign or scientific words or jargon when there is an English equivalent.
I appreciate the simplicity of these rules and hope to use them in my writing and in my thoughts.